A life of conviction and a desire to have it all sorted perhaps describes me best. A fading desire to attain perfection, I have now begun embracing myself for its flaws. I love with no boundaries and hate with equal passion. With concrete foot I walked down the streets of Tokyo while it taught me life.
If my dad could travel across seas leaving me behind to wait his return, I knew it had to be somewhere special. I cherished that land for being my equal and longed to breathe its air. Years passed by and I did my research. A globe full of nations but my fascination rested where the sun rises first. No real reason, not even the flowers nor the tall mountains. It was a promise an infant had made. It was a love that answered no why. It was dream to walk down the streets of Tokyo.
Leaving my safe nest I held my fears tight, I flew across the oceans to walk the streets of Tokyo. I had it all sorted. I was letting go of the hands that guided me all my life. Not forever, just 3 years I told myself. I had dreamed and I knew I had to live it. Concerned eyes looked at me. With conviction I told them I can do this. I didn’t know how but I pushed that deep behind my mind. I was determined to live my dream. Not let the cynical eyes break me nor the fear of making a new trail cripple me. Just three years I promised myself and my nest that sat distance away. Ill be back ! I claimed to all unaware of the future destined for me. Unaware of the lessons lined up for me. Ignorant of the course of change i would be walking along in the years to come.
Stepping into the bliss of living in my dream, I started my life walking down the streets of Tokyo. With innocence or rather ignorance I entered the foot steps of the building where my dream awaited me. Perhaps you would never know anyone who loved being dependent and pampered as I did. I had no interest in rebelling. I had no reason to. I was always a happy child who had a beautiful life. Protected from the bad and directed towards the right. I had a dream, a passion and a life.
However, I look back at that girl wondering what happened. She’s a stranger. I do not remember her anymore. Who was she? Was she right? or just naive?! Then I remember it doesn’t matter. She’s gone. And she’s never coming back.
Today, I have evolved. Priorities changed. You can call my resistance to change a manufacturing defect. Thus it took me a year or two to stop yearning for the dependency I was so familiar with. To know that it was me against the world. Thats how it shall remain. To process, it seemed difficult but I came through. Walking through the streets of Tokyo I saw life in its larger scale. A new perspective; not from the little box I lived in nor from them who dared not dream. A perspective that thought me to appreciate life for its smallest givings. I slowly and steadily became independent. Or how i see it; I have become completely dependent on myself. It was not what I wanted, but thats how it became… And the funny part is, I like it this way.
The streets of Tokyo has walked with me through my lessons. Its sun shining bright at me while I laughed in Joy. Its breeze wiping away when the tears fell down. The fog hugging me when I walked with pride. The noise disturbing me when everything was too overwhelming to handle. The seats at Saizeriya, the mochas at Starbucks have witnessed my stories. Nothing too great, just my story. The streets of Tokyo taught me to handle myself, to face my fears. This life isn’t forever. It taught me to dream more, to achieve , to live.
“I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people who dream, and support and do things” – Amy Poehler
I want. I want to never leave the streets of Tokyo. I want to remain where life is busy. I want to be surrounded by people who have a life, a dream to achieve. Not the ones who exist for no real reason except perhaps to judge. I want to remain happy. I want to make my own mistakes.Not suffer for the ones others make. I want to reach the star, I will at least land on a coconut tree 😉
The streets of Tokyo taught me calmness. To filter my rage. To comprehend the being I was. Thoughts fly, I want yell out loud. Blame it all on another’s miscalculation for the fallen tears. Disappointment at the rescue team that never came engulfed me. My intelligence laughed at me. A rescue team? It sneered.’ You have to fight your own battles’ I learned walking down the streets of Tokyo. My books, my classes always have remained my comfort. Holding them tight, I stood in conviction, to dream.
Enough knowledge I gathered, to know I knew nothing. Its a start I guess. But I desire to achieve. The silence at the top attracts me. It makes me feel real. I can pamper myself I know. I can I know. My attention is something that never leaves, and that I love. Power and intelligence has always attracted me. I have embraced my change, my flaws. I love the distance. I expect the most out of me and the least of others. Its nice like that.
I want to be the streets of Tokyo; busy, enchanting. Its not an infants wish anymore. Its a intoxicating affection based on reliability. If home is where you feel the most safest ; then I shall call Tokyo home. If home is where you feel you belong: I shall call Tokyo home then.
And like what Walt Disney once said:
“If you can dream it, you can do it”
So with determination to dream more, live life. And have the streets of Tokyo guiding me through it all! 🙂